One of the caveats of working at home is that I can occasionally have the TV on in the background while I work. Monday afternoon, for some unexplained reason, it was tuned to MTV. At one point during this lengthy brain-washing session, I heard Suchin Pak mumble something about the upcoming Eminem movie.

That, in itself, didn't faze me. I'd already recovered from the initial shock weeks ago upon hearing that someone would actually pay that kid money to be in a movie. Then she got to the part about it being Eminem's first movie role. And she mumbled something about Eminem's acting being so amazing in this movie that people are already buzzing about an Oscar nomination.

Good grief, I nearly fell out of my chair.

I can't even begin to explain what a ridiculous statement that is.

(Not the "Good grief..." statement, mind you. But that weird conjoining of "Eminem" and "Oscar" in the same sentence. Admittedly, the concept of Suchin Pak making me fall out of a solid wood chair is pretty ridiculous, too.)

For starters, the movie hasn't gone to critics yet. Seriously, it's not even finished yet. (It comes out in November.) So if anyone is mumbling about Eminem's chances at an Oscar, it's either the movie studio lackeys, the MTV lackeys, or Eminem's publicist, also a lackey.

(For the uninitiated, publicists regularly send out puff pieces feigning as "real news" in the hopes that a few of the less-factually-inclined news outlets will run them as "real news". You've seen Entertainment Tonight? It wouldn't exist without them. MTV News used to be better about avoiding those stories, but I'd bet cash that MTV has something invested in this movie.)

But, mainly, anyone with two brain cells can easily step back and examine the people who are eligible to vote for Oscars. They're not teenage boys who get their rocks off by repeating rants about killing your wife and seeking revenge on your mother. They're adults, often really old adults. (This explains how Jack Nicholson wins an Oscar for every movie he's in, save that he gives the exact same performance in every movie he's in.) They like Eminem as much as they like nitrous-burning Honda Civics. Oh, and Jim Carrey.

I would bet money that if the nomination committee even thought about giving Eminem a nod, there would be a new committee the next year. Oscar voters hate controversial people, and the word "eminem" is Swahili for "controversy".

Eminem is a lock for an MTV Movie Award. Heck, if he holds his mouth right, they might just name one after him.

If anyone is bringing Oscar buzz to this movie, it's the director. Yes, upon hearing about this movie, I checked out IMDB's entry about it, and was amazed to see Curtis Hanson's name in the director box. Okay, I didn't recognize it at first, but, upon further inspection, it turns out that he directed L.A. Confidential and Wonder Boys. Yep, no kidding. This guy must be on some serious drugs to follow up those two movies with one starring Eminem. (Perhaps it's not a coincidence, then, that Hanson also directed "Greg the Bunny".)

Now, the screenwriter on the film also wrote the script for the Mod Squad movie. Ahh, yes, that's more what I was expecting: crap, crap, crap. I mean, come on - Eminem's character is named "Jimmy Smith". Creative, wow.

Hey, and the movie is co-produced by Jimmy Iovine! I know one ChrisBlackburn.com reader who's SURE to catch this movie. (Kinda makes you wonder if he had a hand in naming Eminem's character, just so he could sit in the theater and pretend that everyone in the movie was talking to and about him.)

By the way, the next time my TV is tuned to MTV, will someone please drop by and swing a bat through it? Better yet - you know that feature where the screen goes blue whenever you hit a channel of static? I need that to include MTV. If anyone has the modification blueprints, let me know.