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I Feel Like I've Run Out of Things to Say

July 29 2005 11:29 PM ET (Permalink) (Comment)

...at least half the time.

I dunno. I don't think it's that I'm tired of blogging, or "grown out of it", or anything of that sort.

I guess my problem is that I'm not sure who (beyond the three) I'm writing for. Is it for me? Is it for public record? Maybe for my own personal sanity?

The other problem is that I'm the kind of person who has ten things going at once, yet can't seem to get any one of them finished. I have several "other" (wink, nod) tracks on my computer that are nearly finished, yet have been in relatively the same condition for the last two months. My efforts this year in refocusing on my own music have resulted in the semi-completion of barely one track.

So then it comes to sitting here and writing something interesting about the things going on in my life. And I find it hard to justify spending the time on it when I could be spending that time working on any of those other projects.

Only, here's the paradox: I don't actually end up working on those projects when I'm not doing things like writing stuff here.

Every now and again, I feel like the last five years have been a complete waste. Not because I didn't do anything, but because of all of things I've wanted to accomplish that are still incomplete. Music, mainly. I literally have about thirty "new songs" and probably fifteen to twenty "old" ones that haven't been recorded. The Christmas tune from 2003 was in a batch of seven songs that I still haven't bothered to mix and still have no lyrics. (Now that I've got the new computer, I'm hoping to eventually re-record them, but you see where that's going.)

Yet, strangely, apart from this one issue, I'm relatively pleased with where I am at this point. I'm making things sound dire, but they're really not that bad. I did get another car, which I'm enjoying the heck out of. (It's got a better-sounding stereo, even than the one I installed into my old car, and it's got a sunroof. And it cost me almost exactly what the insurance check was. The paint needs some help, but that seems like a relatively decent trade-off.)

I think part of my problem may be my general pre-disposition to keeping things to myself. It's not uncommon for someone (especially family) to ask me how things are going, and for my answer to simply be "Okay. Same ol', same ol'." even if something really neat just happened. I've tried to work harder in recent months to talk about something when prodded, but I usually fail to capture their interest. I just don't have anything to say.

Where am I going with this? Yeah, I don't know. I think the lack of posts here pretty much speaks for itself.

Actually, if there's any one thing I've been semi-regularly updating, it's The Mixes. Well, if you ignore the recent befuddling of the entries because I forgot that I had them sorted by post date.






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